Wet means wants: the harmful myth of female arousal

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Wet means wants: the harmful myth of female arousal


I will give a few examples from my own practice.



The girl is in bed with her boyfriend: they are doing well, she likes his caresses and touches, she feels that she is ready for vaginal sex and she speaks it boldly. But the guy says: “You're dry, you just pretend that you like it?” Insult and quarrel.






But the reverse case. One couple decided to play with the binding. During the game, when a man is ready to move to more decisive actions, his partner suddenly says “stop” and does not want to continue. The lover is perplexed because when he touches her, she is wet. Does this not mean that she is excited and ready?



What's the matter?

Why in the first case, the girl was at the peak of excitement, but she lacked lubrication, and the second did not want sex at all but was wet between her legs?

At times, sexual arousal and the genital response do not coincide, because of this, many questions arise for the partners to each other, quarrels and misunderstandings. This is a purely biological explanation. This phenomenon is called non-concordance. Yes, it is difficult to pronounce. It was opened only a few decades ago, but still few people know about it. Non-concordance is not a deviation from the norm, it is a norm.

Let's see how this works.



Imagine you want to buy a dress. You come to the store and start sorting through the assortment. Although there are many dresses in the store, you buy only the one that sunk into your soul, you liked it more than others. Speaking in scientific language, then for each person there are individual relevant incentives.

As soon as you enter the store, signals come to your brain: “Wow, beautiful dresses!”. Theoretically, this signal can lead to the purchase of a dress, but the conscious part takes the upper hand and makes a decision, chooses from a dozen of options the right one, sifting out the excess.



The same with sex. There are sexually relevant stimuli - signals that tell the brain that sex may happen now. But in the end, the decision is made by a conscious filter: Yes, it turns me on ”or“ No, I don’t want it that way ”.



In a woman, the reaction depends on the situation, the context in which she is located. As it happened in the second situation.

By the way, men also have unwanted erections and orgasms. For example, an erection in the morning - the way the genitals behave, does not always speak of pleasure and excitement.



How then to understand that she is excited?

The genital response — the presence or absence of lubrication in women — is a reflex, an automatic response to what, in theory, CAN be brought to sex. The body responds automatically, but this does not mean that the woman is excited. When a neurologist knocks a hammer on the knee and your foot reacts. Do you want to kick the doctor? I hope not, this is a reflex response.

How does Viagra work on men? In the tissue of the penis enters the blood, it hardens, an erection occurs. In this case, consciously a man may not want sex.



But then how to understand that a woman wants sex? According to her, breathing, heartbeat ... Tell your partner that he should not focus solely on the presence or absence of your lubricant. If you feel excited but completely dry - this is normal, just add a little artificial during sex, if you feel that your own is not enough. It does not mean at all that you are “bad” or “insensitive”, it is just a feature of your body. The same works in the opposite direction - you can always say “no” to your partner, at any moment, even if you are very wet.



Relationships in the pair must be harmonious: without a sense of distrust, resentment.



Practice what you like and feel free to give up what causes discomfort.



If your partner continues to insist: “I'm not a fool, past girls did not have this. There is something wrong with you ”, drive this away. Your body reaction is only yours, and although we have the same body parts, they all work in different ways.