Outside the circle of the family: three strategies of behavior, if you are the white crow

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Outside the circle of the family: three strategies of behavior, if you are the white crow

With rare exceptions, people tend to connect with others. And when the fundamental need for affection and acceptance is not satisfied, depression, anxiety, loneliness, jealousy can develop.

If a person is rejected by his own family, in most cases he becomes worse both morally and materially. He may attend family celebrations, but may not be noticed by immediate family members. This is how 30 research participants who fell into disgrace in their own family coped with this.

1. Communication with those who do not ignore them

White crows seek to invest in relationships with those family members who show understanding and positive emotions. Someone has become such a person a sister or brother (in a situation where parents do not accept him). Another way is to become something like a foster child in another family, for example, with the partner’s parents. Sincere communication, family holidays - all this is there, and the need for tenderness is closed.

2. Creating and defending boundaries

This is a defensive reaction. They begin to communicate less frequently with the family and are able to move on from zero. Some distance themselves from the family, leaving as far as possible. Others prohibit family members from accessing personal information with short superficial answers.

3. Search for benefits

Another convenient strategy is to benefit from your position, becoming stronger and proud of your dissimilarity to other family members. For example, if the parents would not accept the unconventional orientation of the child, they could physically drive him out of the house. And since he kept it a secret, he was able to go to university and begin an independent life.