Temporary status: what awaits you if you are a lover, says a psychologist

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Temporary status: what awaits you if you are a lover, says a psychologist

How does it feel to be a mistress? Depends on the situation. Let's not consider the option of a predatory lady who decided in any way to get the man he liked.
This option is too banal and simple to disassemble it from the point of view of psychology.

Let's talk about sincere feelings. If you fall into this pool of “betrayal” for love, you do not feel like a mistress, rather, beloved. The last thing you think is that your relationship hurts someone and destroys someone’s world. At this moment you are so fixated on yourself and your feelings that you don’t care about any foreign aunt who is waiting for him at home.

Then, when the first euphoria passes, three ways open up before you. You are like a hero in front of a stone at a crossroads: if you go to the left, you lose the horse, if you go to the right, you fold your head.

The first way is to leave the relationship. This is usually what sacrificial women do who are guilty of guilt. They worry both for themselves and for that guy. They feel sorry for the wife and children of the beloved, sorry for the deceiving beating in the web of a man and for being sorry for themselves, forced to sneak up their portion of happiness mixed with tears. Guided by the principle “Happiness cannot be built on another's misfortune,” such lovers usually interrupt their relationship.

The second option is to start fighting for your place in the sun. In the role of the sun, of course, beloved man. Such women are ready to die to fight for what is rightfully theirs. The “right” in this case is not endowed with a legitimate wife, but the one on whose side LOVE. Only in big letters - and nothing else.

This lover demands that the man leave the family immediately and marry her. She does not want to be content with "crumbs." She needs everything at once. A mistress of this type will do much to inform his wife about treason. In the course are phone calls, forgotten panties in the car, lipstick marks on the shirt and carefully planned photos in social networks. And often the wife does for her mistress all the dirty work. Exposing the legal spouse beyond the threshold, arranging disassembly and hysteria for him, falling into depression, the deceived woman does everything to discourage a man from making a choice in favor of the family. Whether she is right in committing this ritual “suicide” is a topic for a separate article.

The third option is to leave everything as it is. These mistresses are either too indecisive or quite happy with what they have. There are girls who do not want to create a family hearth at all. Romantic meetings and joint vacations arrange them more than a stamp in the passport and inevitable diapers. Such lovers are either too busy with themselves or their careers. They have no time to "create comfort" and "provide rear." They like the sharpness of emotions with which adultery is permeated: secrecy, sexuality, spontaneity and ... irresponsibility. And they are quite satisfied with the wife in ignorance, who is assigned a "boring" domestic role in the life of a man.

Whatever type you are, a mistress is a temporary status. Even if your relationship lasts for years, it is not a constant. Sooner or later, any person will want simplicity and clarity, which are equal to love and trust. Sooner or later, both of you will get tired of the double life and what used to seem like a “peppercorn” will turn into heartburn.

I do not call anyone for anything. Everyone is free to make his choice. I just pay attention to the fact that sooner or later this choice will have to be made.


My beloved man once described adultery as a vacation: like and love your job, but it’s always impossible to be on it - you have to rest from it periodically. Excellent approach if this point of view is shared by both partners. For most people, betrayal is a blow to relationships, an undermining of trust, betrayal, and pain - no matter what side of the adultery you are from.